Mirror Mirror On The Wall

VULNERABLE POST…

Have you ever looked at the condition of your heart and wept? Like REALLY seen yourself and the effects your heart condition has on the people around you? This has been me since the beginning of 2020. It’s like when I asked God for clearer vision, He said “bet”, cracked His knuckles and went to work. And it wasn’t in the way I expected. 

At the beginning, I couldn’t bear it. I was broken. I was confused. Everything I thought I knew was crashing down. The veil on my eyes had been removed and I saw myself through different lenses. But all this revelation was good. To be aware of who you are gives you a chance to grow. To be aware of your weaknesses gives way for Christ to be your strength. To be aware of your shortcomings is the right place to be because you’re not walking around thinking you’re good when in fact you have work to do on yourself. 

It’s like the verse “take the log out of your eyes before removing the speck out of your neighbor’s eyes” (Matthew 7:5) became more alive to me and finally made sense. See, I asked God to “test me, know my heart, see if there’s any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24) and He’s doing exactly that. And it hurts. But it’s good. (Hello pruning). I’m encouraged by the fact that the Lord disciplines His kids (Hebrews 12:6). I’m encouraged by the fact that God hears my prayers and responds in love. 

Just as God is committed to exposing the evil of the systems around us, He is also committed to purging our hearts from evil. 

Now, with all the revelations and corrections we receive, comes the temptation of shame and guilt. And it tries to tag along in our story of redemption. And for sometime I couldn’t shake off the shame. I couldn’t forgive myself for some of the things I had done. And then yesterday an aunty shared a dream she had where the Lord allowed her undo her past mistakes. The by-product of the ‘undoing’ was that in the future she didn’t have what she has now. Her life was completely different and in a bad way. The revelation from her dream was that “we don’t have to live regretfully. Living with regrets, especially as it relates to experiences or parts of [us] that no longer exist is an indication that [we] have not experienced the gift of forgiveness of sins.” 

See, the very mistakes or poor decisions you can’t let go of could be the very thing to propel you to where you’re actually supposed to be. The lesson learned molds you to be better and opens your eyes. God takes into account every action and really works it all for your good. The Bible says, in Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” So, the key is TO RETURN TO YOUR FIRST LOVE, Jesus. He brings beauty from ashes. He transforms even our ugly parts and drives out the darkness with His majestic radiant light. So be encouraged that God saw your mistakes when He formed you and declared His plans over you. It is a process, trust me I know, but thank goodness we have a trustworthy shepherd.

“Letting go off the past and pressing forward.” I wonder if the enemy always brought up Paul’s past of killing Christians whenever Paul advanced the gospel to very people he once persecuted. If God really doesn’t count the past against me, why should I?

Mistakes will be made, disappointments will happen, but wisdom says “I’m committed to being better so that I don’t repeat it. I’m committed to healing so I don’t bleed out on someone else. I’m committed to healing so that my future kids won’t inherit these generational burdens/curses. I surrender to the workings of the Holy Spirit. Any way I can get closer to being more like what the Bible says is what I want.” I’m not going to pretend like it’s easy. I’m not going to act like sometimes I don’t get discouraged and wonder if I can really implement the change. I’m not going to pretend like it doesn’t mean lots of tears and repentance. But I have the Holy Spirit. He will guide me. He will lead me. Not because of me, but because of who He is.  

So today I let go of shame, I embrace grace and correction, and I forgive myself. I’m no longer taking off the garment of forgiveness and putting shame back on. I pray that God will meet us all in our place of need. Because we all need Jesus. 

What are you letting go off and embracing?