My Testimony

My testimony is one of pursuit by Jesus. That before I knew Him and His love, He loved me and was paving the way for me to love Him back. He orchestrated my life and brought me to a place where I was face to face with Him and myself…and all I could utter was thankfulness because He chose (and continues to choose) a confused, broken girl like me and calls me His own. That I did not do ANYTHING to deserve the abundant love He showers me with. That He calls me His friend, daughter, sheep, all of that. A mighty God…after…me. Speechless.

Before my relationship with Christ, I had placed my identity in my looks. I placed my identity in what people, especially guys, thought of me. This wasn’t evident to me until my teenage years. Up until then, I was a child who lived life thinking it was a bed of roses, had no hardship, excelled in all areas, was loved by my parents and grew up in the church. Fast forward to when I was 16, and I moved from Ghana to the United States. I was thrown into an environment where kids my age were in relationships, doing wild things that shocked my conservative self. At that time I lived in Boston and even throughout high school, I kept to myself. But I was curious and decided that before I moved to Texas I would be wild as well and “what happens in Boston, stays in Boston.” And coincidentally after I had decided to let loose, I met a guy in Boston a week (or two) before I left for Texas. It was meant to be a fling but I was naive and did not anticipate that I would catch feelings. Well, said guy became my first boyfriend. 

I got into my first relationship with a guy I thought I would marry and my whole life revolved around him. He was my first everything and I thought he would not break my heart and I invested my every fibre of my being into the relationship. Well, he broke my heart and I felt like my life had been shattered. I did not want to do life anymore. That was the first time in my life I felt rejected by someone I chose to love and who claimed he loved me. I felt betrayed because he had cheated on me and I spiralled out of control and resorted into having rebounds and talking to any guy who would give me attention. The whole time I did this, it was because I was trying to prove to my ex that if he didn’t want me, other guys did. I even went as far as entertaining his close friends because I wanted to prove a point. BUT in all of this, I still felt empty. I still felt the hurt and I knew all those antics were not filling that void. I ended up hurting good guys because hurt people hurt people. I then subscribed to the thinking that “all guys couldn’t be trusted” and so I treated relationships from the standpoint of using the guys to get what I wanted and controlling the narrative so I didn’t get hurt again. Throughout all this, I just wanted to be loved. 

My senior year of high school, I went to a church conference and they called the youth to the altar and said that we should ask the Holy Spirit to touch us. I had been to the conference every year it was organized and each time I was touched nothing happened. But that day I remember saying to the Holy Spirit, “If you choose me today, I will give my life to You” And when the man of God touched me, I was filled with the Holy Spirit. In that moment, I felt loved and chosen. That God heard my cry and He answered. I also got baptized by water that same day. That was the day I decided to choose God because I was tired of living life the way I did. I knew there was more for me, I knew there was better for me. I also knew college was approaching and without specifically uttering to God that He brought community my way, He did, because that was something I needed to be able to walk out my sanctification. I will go into more details about how God orchestrated community for me in another blog post, God willing. My plans to unleash “Wild Xi” in college were halted and I thank God for that. (I really had plans to dance on tables, drink, smoke, party it up and engage in activities I had no business engaging in…phew)

So my testimony isn’t one where I openly acted wildly, but one where sin was brewing in my heart. I dealt with identity issues, selfishness, lust and pride. My conservative nature just didn’t allow me to outwardly express the sin I dealt with. I hid behind achievements in school while dealing with heart issues I didn’t even recognize I had, until I met Jesus. But He still chose me.

See, the whole time I was trying to prove to my ex that if he didn’t want me, someone else did…I was right. I was just focused on the wrong someone. Jesus had always seen me. Jesus had always chosen me. Jesus had always wanted me. Jesus had always thought I was worth dying for. And He pursued me relentlessly. 

Jesus is THE BEST thing/person that EVER happened to me. And if there are any verses that echo my heart for Jesus, they are Psalm 16:2 which says, “I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.” and Psalm 27:4 which says “One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple”

If you are reading this, and you have not given your life to Jesus or you are lukewarm in any form, I pray that Jesus arrests your heart. See, His love is wild and relentless, He is the author of our faith and I pray that you will allow Him to become the author of your faith. God loves you…like REALLY loves you…and I pray you experience that love. This is truth – God sees you. He has never missed you. You are never an interruption to Him. He is calling you to fellowship with Him. I pray He reveals Himself to you and opens the eyes of your heart.

And if you know Jesus, I pray you fall more in love with Him and that you go deeper in your walk with Him. That you will taste and see that God is good. That you will continue to receive His love and rest in His love. There is more for us and I pray we tap into it. In Jesus name. Amen.

May the Lord keep you and bless you. You are loved. Xo

P.S. If my testimony story were a song, it would be “Came to my rescue” by Hillsong United.